This is the first part of a short story that I am writing using writeordie.drwicked.com. It's a website that literally forces you to keep writing no matter what. I wrote this in a little less than a half an hour, so there will be spelling/grammer mistakes. It is a sort of re-telling of the classic tale of Cinderella. I will probably be posting the last part of it either tomorrow or possibly later tonight.
Everyone is masked. The sequined decorations carefully attached to them sparkle in the light of the chandelier hung straight above them. Figures twirl around to the violin's shrill melody with startling elegance. Lady's dresses trail behind them as they mingle about, playfully trying to guess which one of the masked gentlemen belong to them. A banquet table full of rich food stands right by the window which overlooks the lake. Couples laugh and eat and wish this night would never end.
He is here somewhere. I know he is. My soul mate, my master, my own personal demon. His face lurks under one of these handcrafted masks. I walk around carefully, holding my dress up so that it does not drag on the floor. I want to be able to sneak it back into Madge's closet tomorrow in perfect condition so that she won't suspect a thing about it's nighttime adventure. I have to find him before he finds me. It's the only way I can get out of here alive. I have to find him and do what I hoped I would never have to. He was forcing my hand, though. For a moment, I let myself slip back into that old daydream. That far off daydream of a different future, of a future that would never be able to come true because of what he had done to me.
Why did this have to be? I thought for the third or fourth time that night about why exactly I was doing this. I was not a murderer. I couldn't kill the one person I truly loved! But ever since I discovered his true form, the way he really was when no one else was watching, I decided that I couldn't let myself be alone with him again.
I remember it well. It was right after the king's ball, one very much like this one, when he had chased me down to my step sister's home.
"Are you certain that there's no one else in the household who could possibly have been at the ball last night?" My love's voice was soft with worry. I watched him from my hiding place in the broom closed. I cracked the door and peered out. My oldest stepsister, Millie, scoffed and said, "Of course not, your highness! It's only Madge and I who live here. We were both at the ball last night! Isn't that a coincidence!" "Yes, I suppose." "You should try the slipper on the both of us!" My love bent down and tried to jam the class slipper on Millie's ugly, fat foot that was so swollen from her pinching shoes that she had been dancing in at the ball the night before. "It won't fit." My love's advisor, Herbert, shook his head and both of them headed for the door. "Wait!" I had shouted, emerging from my secret hiding place. "I was there! I was at the ball last night. I was the one who you danced with." My love's eyes shimmered as he stared into my own. He knew. I sat down on the chair in the corner of the parlor and allowed him to slip the glass onto my own petite foot. It fit perfectly.
My sisters gasped with horror. "That's a lie!" Millie screeched. My love stood up. "It is not a lie. I have paid a visit to every single female in the entire kingdom and Cinderella is the only one who has been able to fir into the slipper. I shall be taking her as my bride now." Millie's mouth opened and closed rapidly like a fish who has just been flopped on the dock. "Do you have anything that you wish to bring with you?" I fingered the locket tucked into my petticoat. "No, nothing."
Our wedding day had been utterly perfect. Perfect weather, perfect guests, perfect food, perfect everything. Even my first kiss had been perfect. I thought I would finally her my happily ever after during the wedding, but that wasn't to be. That night, right after the wedding ceremony had ended, was when it all started going downhill. My love and I had just finished making love in our soft, lush bed. We were both covered in a light sheen of sweat. I slipped on an airy nightgown and stepped out onto the balcony where the night breeze would cool me off. My love followed close behind me. He put his hands on my waist protectively. "I love you," He whispered. "I know," I answered absently, paying more attention to the clear night sky than to him. "I'll never leave you," he said. "I know," I repeated. "Do you love me?" he asked. I thought about this carefully to myself. Everything had happened so quickly. Only two days before I had been a lowly maid, scrubbing the stains out of my step sisters' dresses and sweeping the cinders from the fireplace without complaint. He has saved me from a terrible life, hadn't he? Wasn't I grateful? Wasn't being grateful the same thing as being in love?
"What a silly question to ask on our wedding night, my love! Of course I love you."
He appeared to be satisfied at my answer and kissed my suddenly trembling lips lightly before returning back to bed. I crept up to the edge of the balcony and peered down at the grassy lawn below me below following my love to bed. We made love until he was exhausted and fell asleep right next to me.
The next morning, which dawned bright and early, brought a hearty breakfast and some new. "I'm going to go to the Duke's estate for a meeting, Ella. Do you want to come with me?" I didn't and I told him so. His brow furrowed and he frowned slightly. "I wish you would accompany me, Ella." "That's alright, my love. I'll just stay here and wander about in the gardens if you don't mind. It's too nice of a day to stay indoors." "Of course." He continued with his breakfast and left only moments later. I could hear the clop of the carriage pull out. Then, I went upstairs and dressed for the day. I tied a scarf around my hair to keep it from getting wind blown and set off to explore the grassy lawn I had only ever seen from my balcony the night before.
By the time I was ready to get out the door, however, I found myself with a splitting headache that seemed to be coming from my very core. My teeth chattered and my head pounded in time with my heart. Suddenly, everything went black and I awoke on the ground with a gardener standing above me, worried expression on his face. He led me to bed only after I assured him that a little rest was all I really needed to be alright. I lie there, unable to even move without a stabbing pain going through my entire body. I shook with chill though it was the middle of summer and humid within the palace. My eyes strained to stay open and I feared I was going to die. I didn't die.
For some reason, my love came back from his meeting just one hour later. The instant his carriage pulled into the palace driveway, my chills stopped and my headache was dulled to an annoying ache. When he came up the stairs leading to our bedroom, I could sit up. And when he finally opened the door to the room and sat on our bed, I felt as well as I had during breakfast.
Hey, I saw your blog on the Bloggers? forum on NaNoWriMo and came to look at it so here I am.
ReplyDeleteI love writ or die and it pulled me threw the last few days of NaNoWriMo when I had fallen behind and still had 20K+ to go. And I have to say that this is a VERY impressive 'a little less than half an hour' story opening. You had less typos than I expected too XD
The first couple paragraphs made me curious about why she was there and why everyone was wearing masks and why she wanted to kill her true love and kept me going. It's more of a personal thing but I don't really like it when characters call their significant other 'my love' and I was just wondering if your pseudo prince was going to get a name eventually?
And I love the ending. We know what's happening without her analyzing it and yet we have to wonder why and how. Oh, and it would also be nice to get some description of characters and of the gardens, though again this is amazing for write-or-die and of course it's not going to be perfect the first time through.
Cheers
Kim
I'm making this post here because I can't on the entry where it needs it.
ReplyDeleteYou are not hurting your friend's writing career by holding back on telling her the truth about her writing skill. Only she can make herself a success as a writer, and if she decides not to take your comments seriously, then it's her fault, not yours. Editors will not be interested in Twilight knockoffs or cliches, so she won't be very successful there. Only your honesty can help her. And if she won't read your stuff, the find someone who will read it and give you honest feedback.
Hope this helps.
Gil